You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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