You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
