White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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