I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
