I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
my poor anus
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
