She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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