Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
