You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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