i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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