sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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