Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
