VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
