Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
whose ass print is on the piano?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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