After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
