Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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