On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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