SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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