Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
