Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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