Already got asked if we're dating
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
