Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
