Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
