wanna go halves on a baby?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
