oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
