Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
