He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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