i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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