Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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