I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
