he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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