just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
