In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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