dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
