somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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