you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
