Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
