I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
