You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
