At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
