I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
