roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
