I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
