My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
