garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
