You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
