"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
