i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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