I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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