i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
