So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
