Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
