I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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