I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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