Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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