put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
