Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
