i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
