It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
