New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I looked at my own cervix.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
