Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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