God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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