Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
