Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
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No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
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I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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