everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
