I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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