some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
