I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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