just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
its liver damage thursday
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
