i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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