also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
