I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
