under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
