Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
